So God made a banker: a commercial for the next super bowl?

• Author: Arends, Brett
• Position: OFF THE NEWS - Reprint

To be read in the voice of Paul Harvey.

And on the eighth day God looked down on his planned paradise and said, "I need someone who can flip this for a quick buck."

So God made a banker.

God said, "I need someone who doesn't grow anything or make anything but who will borrow money from the public at 0 percent interest and then lend it back to the public at 2 percent or 5 percent or 10 percent and pay himself a bonus for doing so."

So God made a banker.

God said, "I need someone who will take money from the people who work and save, and use that money to create a dotcom bubble and a housing bubble and a stock bubble and an oil bubble and a commodities bubble and a bond bubble and another stock bubble, and then sell it to people in Poughkeepsie and Spokane and Bakersfield, and pay himself another bonus."

So God made a banker.

God said, "I need someone to build homes in the swamps and deserts using shoddy materials and other people's money, and then use these homes as collateral for a Ponzi scheme he can sell to pensioners in California and Michigan and Sweden. I need someone who will then foreclose on those homes, kick out the occupants, and switch off the air conditioning and the plumbing, and watch the houses turn back into dirt. And then pay himself another bonus."

God said, "I need someone to lend money to people with bad credit at 30 percent interest in order to get his stock price up, and...