FAMILIES without borders - II.

• Author: Franklin, Lynn C.

Six years ago, I was reunited with the son I relinquished for adoption in 1966. Twenty-seven years had elapsed since I last saw him as a five-day-old infant. Contrary to the conventional wisdom of the times, I never forgot him. I continued to love him and wandered how he was faring, how he was being raised. I fantasized about how he might look, what interests he might have. As it happens, he loves his parents and is proud to be a part of his adoptive family. Nevertheless, he did wonder about the circumstances of his life and ultimately felt he needed to know more about his genetic roots. He told me he needed to know that, to be able to put the pieces of his life together so that he could feel whole.

And so he searched for me. After our first extraordinary encounter, he left me with the words "Twenty-seven years is too long".

Much has changed since 1966 when the majority of white babies born out of wedlock in the United States were placed for adoption. Society then made it nearly impossible for me and others like me to consider raising our children alone, and the shame of our pregnancies was something to be hidden from our friends and neighbours in order to protect the good name of our family. Those babies have grown up, and we have learned from them that, while they might have adjusted well in loving adoptive families, they wondered why they were relinquished and they fantasized about their birth families. Despite sealed records, thousands, like my son, search each year for their birth mothers and fathers. We are learning that it can be helpful for children to grow up with more information and contact with birth families.

In addition, changing social mores have resulted in fewer infant placements, and women now find ways to raise their children as single parents. For those who do make an adoption plan, we know better now that they still love their children and want to stay connected. Adoption practice varies across the United States. But it is evolving.

In so doing, it allows for more ongoing relationships, be it through pictures and letters or actual contact. Since my reunion with my son, I have tried to make sense of my experience and to look at adoption in a broad context. I've seen that many people in my country are adopting internationally, partially because there are fewer infants available here and because they want to avoid the need to deal with the birth families. And yet, I see that adopted individuals, whether they are raised in...